I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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