At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
