why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
