you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
