I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize