Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
