every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
