dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
