I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
