Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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