I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
