Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
