Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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