Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
