well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize