I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Say something about gay babies.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
