she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
