____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
