Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yo dont text me then not text me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
