I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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