Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
