You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
