This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
