His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
