the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
