I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
