He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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