i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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