dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We have started to decorate penises.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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