Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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