i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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