Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
