Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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