he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
