PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
