whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Floor bacon is actually really good
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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