Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
