Tell her she can't have a vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
