I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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