well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
