I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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