I think my vagina is haunted
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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