they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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