I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
