ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
