You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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