sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
