Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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