He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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