can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
