so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
