maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
