he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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