Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
