I wish I only lived at night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he thought i was a dude.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
