The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
