he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
