Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
