Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
