It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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