UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
