my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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