i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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