I have demons in me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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