Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
