if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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