Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
