I heard we made out
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
