My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
