I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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