Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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