I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
