If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
