Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
