So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
