i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
