oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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